So who am I and
why should you follow my journey? Truth is I lost myself long ago and I am
trying to find me. I lost myself by falling in love with and marrying the wrong
man, a man that made me second guess my own worth and abused me mentally and physically
for years.
Sometimes I have
to sing the song by Pink in the kitchen at the top of my lungs hoping the
neighbors aren’t watching, “I lost my
husband, I don’t know where he went.” It makes me laugh now. I really don’t
know where he is. He left me and my children abandoned with no financial
support years ago. He pops up in the area from time to time making promises he
never keeps and is off again, only to rekindle the wounds. I had been
brainwashed into the feeling I was worthless and inadequate and I couldn’t
survive on my own.
But somehow I
have. I can’t say the journey has been easy. Many nights we didn’t know if we
would be homeless. Many cold winters we suffered without electricity and many
days we didn’t have food to eat but somehow, although the loom of possible
homelessness was never far from the horizon, we have survived and I appreciate
the little things in life. Like the moon last night did you see it? Breath taking?
Even if I had been homeless I would have still been able to receive that gift.
This will be my
journey from imprisonment to freedom. I shall reveal my voyage away from the shackles
of an oppressive and abusive relationship to my innate struggle for survival
perhaps in flashbacks sometimes. I will
expose my flight, from the chains of my brokenness and the captivity of my own inhibitions
to not giving a crap what others think of me and just “doing it!”. I chose to find myself this year! I chose to
live! Join me as I scribble my conquest for all to see from barely surviving to
the empowerment of triumph. At least I can hope that will be the outcome, I am
sure there will be a few bumps along the way.
But this blog will be about
someone who was broken, picking up the pieces. And although I have some pieces missing,
I will duct tape “me” together and just go out there and start a new chapter in
my life anyway! So who am I? I am an aspiring novelist, singer, artist, mom,
world traveler, teacher, dancer, pilot and happy person. Oh yea, and aspiring
fitness goddess. (Okay so that one is a really really long shot but we can have
dreams right J)
Most of these things are things I let die along the way that I am hoping to
rediscover in myself.
I have decided
if the world is ganna end this year I better get off my tush and start makin’
things happen! So much of life is stolen because of waiting for the perfect
day, the perfect time… when I lose weight, when I am more prepared. The truth
is there is no day like today!
I can’t tell you
how many things I have just not done because I didn’t feel I was ready, I was
worthy etc. but I am tired of waiting on the sidelines for the stars to align I
think I am just going to jump in feet first and hope my flailing to stay afloat
provides some entertainment for someone!
Here goes!